somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize