A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
