she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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