she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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