I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
