i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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