literally had 100 drinks last night.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
