i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
