So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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