I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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