youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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