That's intense
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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