Swine flu. Run for my life!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
