its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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