Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
