I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
