i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize