You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
