i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize