it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
