never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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