'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
