You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
