We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
