the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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