The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
