He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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