mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love having hate sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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