john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
