I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And the cops told us we were all naked.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
