My room smells like vodka and shame
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
