I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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