The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
