oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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