It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
