I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
