My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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