Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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