I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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