At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
