I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
