Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
