Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
