big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
