All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
