You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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