All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize