Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
