Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
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