I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
