I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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