Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
