Yo dont text me then not text me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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