THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
