apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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