I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
