I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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