i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
