There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
