I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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