she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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