Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
