Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
