I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
