Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize