He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize