never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
