Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
