I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
