Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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