I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
