I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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