I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
