I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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