well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
