TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
