You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
