There is no way he is gay with that hair.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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