some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
