Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
