I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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