omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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