If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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