I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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